It's Good to be Back, Fellow Deviants!
I know I've been quiet, a lot of you may have joined DA after I left for my adventure in mid-2013. But fear not, it's not due to you guys. To be honest, the last couple years have been a rather powerful, life-changing experience that in some ways I regret how it came to be... but I don't regret the hardest lessons that taught me what it means to be me.
The real me. Not the me that I thought I was before. And I think sometimes that it's important to keep in mind that nasty little Gollum of bad habits: getting comfortable with what you believe you are.
The Juggernaut and the Rut
People say that you'll know who your friends are, when all hell breaks loose. That they'll be the ones standing with you when the dust settles or the world ends. That's not really the case. Family does that, the ones who know you by your most innate nature; friends are just the ones who are either a lesson or a blessing, here today and gone tomorrow after the job's done.
People also say that betrayal never comes from your enemies; sometimes, you can be your creative mind's own worst friend. And in the end, isn't that a life worth living? Isn't it our creativity, our innovation, our reckless endeavour to create universes, isn't that what drives us to do what we do... even if we never really see the universe we live in? We get so lost in binding ourselves in a nutshell, calling ourselves kings of infinite space, that we forget that it's our genius that invites the bad dreams.
I was living an artist's life that I stuck into a rut because it was comfortable. Sure, I ticked off a few people with what I illustrated and designed, but looking back I can see why. They knew I could do more. They also knew I hadn't a clue on what I was capable of.
Then I had a juggernaut roll through... and while it almost killed me, the keyword is still "almost". For years, my creativity had served me willingly, even though I had stereotyped and pigeonholed it so ungratefully. And when it came down to the final punches, that same creativity made the difference between writing this Journal tonight... and being at the bottom of the Rio Mololoa for the past 3 years.
An Uneasy Truce
I've been back in the States for over 2-1/2 years now, and I wish it had been easier to get back to where I was before. And sometimes, that's the hidden blessing of what we do as artists, Fellow Deviants. We write stories, we create universes, we make dreams the stuff of reality, even though we use images instead of words -- we never go back to where we were before, because just as words spoken cannot be unspoken, what has been seen can never be unseen.
Those were bad days. But because of those bad days, my creativity was able to pick me up, dust me off, and keep dragging my butt through everything like "Private Ryan: Bizarro Edition" I'm not where I want to be, and I'm okay with that.
I'm on my way... I'm on my wayy-yy-yy... Home Sweet Home (Motley Crue)
Got some art stuff coming soon. Just a matter of getting the scanner working. Then again, I may just plunk $50 for a new one, keep it simple. Hey, there's "stuck in a rut" and "knowing you're not Ultron".
There's a reason I wear a Superman shirt... and it's not because I'm Clark Kent.